March 2012
at night: *having eating/purging-related dreams*
in the morning: fuck I have to eat breakfast again
after breakfast: fuck I have to purge again
before dinner: fuck I hope it will be something easy to purge
after dinner: fuck I have to purge again
in the evening: fuck I have to eat again
after supper: fuck I have to purge again
lying in bed: fuck I have to eat tomorrow again
“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s...”
– Chuck Klosterman (via arreter)
thisisthehorrorshow:
why the fuck do you think it’s okay to treat me like i never fucking meant anything to you?
i miss you sometimes. i know i shouldn’t, but i fucking do. and i blame you for certain things happening. because you weren’t there for me. you left. you were the fucking first to leave and probably one of the most important. not the most important, but one of them, maybe.
i fucking...
You: "Why did you want to kill yourself?"
Me: "It's a long story."
You: "I want to help you."
Me: "You can't."
You: "Well I'm going to try anyway."
Me: "Yea, I know you are. You'll help for a week or two and then when I start to feel close to you I'll tell you my secrets and you'll find out how bad I really am. Then you'll say how upset you are that I'm so depressed and you'll say you'll get me help. You'll make empty promises, you'll pretend like you care when inside you've given up on me. I'll learn that I can't tell you those things anymore, and you willstop asking about them, even though you know it's still happening. We'll grow distant and I'll hate myself for opening up to you. You won't realise that I'll try to kill myself again. We'll still talk, but there will always be that awkwardness. Because you gave up. Because everyone does in the end. Your closest friends become far away figures and you are left on your own to cope with these fucked up emotions and you have no idea how. Everyone gives up and I mean everyone. And that, more than anything, made me want to die."
